How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie summary
Things that can be achieved :
get out of the mental routine
make friends quick and easily
increase your popularity
win people with your way of thinking
increase influence, prestige and ability to get things done
handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep human contact smooth and pleasant
become a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist
arouse enthusiasm around yourself
Dealing with people is going to be the biggest problem you face, especially in business
For the great aim of education is not knowledge but action.
And this is an action book.
Fundamental techniques in handling people CH1
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a persons precios pride, and hurts his sense of importance.
Just like with animals, with humans m they express good behavior if its rewarded for it. The same happens when its punished for bad behavior
Blaming everyone but themselves, like the most society.
Lets remember that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself and condemn us as well in return.
Judge not that ye be not judged Lincoln
Sharp criticism and rebukes to someone almost invariably end in futility. Example of Lincoln with general Meade attacking Lee
Think about Abraham Lincoln when you are angry , USE HIM AS AN EXAMPLE ON HOW TO ACT
From a purely selfish standpoint, it is a lot more profitable to try on ourselves than to try to improve others. Its also less dangerous.
Like Confucius said : Dont complain about the snow on your neighbor roof, when your own doorstep is unclean
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion
Any fool can criticism, condemn and complain and most fools do. But it takes caracter and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
A great man show his greatness by the way he treats little men.
So instead of condemning people, lets try to understand them. Lets try to figure out why they do that they do. To know all Is to forgive all.
God himself does not propose to judge man until the end of his days. Why should you and I ?
The big secret of dealing with people CH2
The only way I can get you to do anything is vy giving you what you want
First, what do you want ? Money, sex,drugs, life,kids,importance feeling ?
The desire for a feeling of importance
If our ancestors wouldnt have , we would be just animals.
What is the cause of insanity?
Half of the cases are genetics, but the other half is because of the desire of feeling of importance, unable to achieve it.
Getting back to the point, one of the greatest assest soemone can posess is to arouse enthusiam among people, through appreciation and encouragement.
We have to be anxious to praise but loath to find fault. To give a person incentive to work
There is nothing that kills the ambitions of a person as criticism.
Even in relationships, one of the main reasons of the divorces is the lack of appreciation. We take our lovers from granted and forget to appreciate them
Just the simple act of showing sincere appreciation , it can change a person ife.
We should never forget that in our interpersonal relations we are human beings and hunger for appreciation. We could always send a good work to any human, any type of worker, it will bright their day.
GIVE HONEST AND SINCERE APPRECIATION AS A RESUME
He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way. CH 3
the only way on earth to influence people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other persons point of view and see things for that person angle as well from your own.
When we have the brillaint idea, instead of making others to think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves. They will regard it as their own, then they will like it and embrace it.
Resume so far : dont criticise, condemn or complain. Give honeest and sincere appreciation. Arous in the other person an eager want.
Part 2 : six ways to make people like you
Do this and you will be welcome anywhere
Use the example of a dog with people. Be interested in their lives and into themselves
It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring
If you want to make friends, greet people with animation and enthusiam. Use a voiice that radiates interest. Be genuine
We are becaming interest in other if they are interested in us. But is must be sincere
Resume : If you want other to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if oyu want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, BECOME GENUINLY INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE
A simple way to make a good impression ch5
The expression on our face is far more important than any cloths we wear
Captivating smile, power of a smile., of a genuine one ofc
You dont feel like smiling? Then what→ first force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy. Actions seems to follow feelings, but actually action and feeling go together.
Everybody in the world is seeking happiness. In the end there is nothing either good or bad actually, but thinking makes it so
Value of a smile. Its a messenger of the goodwill. It make people under pressure and broken by present actions to realize that not all is hopeless, that there is joy out there.
IF you dont do this, you are headed for trouble CH 6
Lesson of the rabbits(naming them after the investors)
Remember the name of a person, simple but crucial fact
In the end, remembing that a person names is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
An easy way to became a good conversationalist CH 7
What is the mistery about a succesful business /intercourse? Exclusive attention who is speaking to you. Nothing else si so flattering as that ( listening to that person )
Listening is just as important in one home life as in the world of business
people they prefer good listeners to good talkers
If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments
How to interest people? CH8
Talk in temrs of the other person interested. Investigate and be interested in other person passion, and speak about it , and show them you are genuinly interested
How to make people like you instantly
Always make the other people feel important. The deepst principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
Also little phrases such as I am sorry to trouble you, would you be so king as to, wont you please? Would you mind ? Thank you
Resume: make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely
How to win people with your way of thinking
You cant win an argument : ch 10
When you argue, if you lose you lose,and if you win you lose aswell, because you hurt the pride of the other one. You will make more bad than good. So its better to abstain, if its not crucial. You will win in the long run with this tact
Its the basic of the feeling of importance.
Hated is never ended by hatred, but by love – buddha
Also we have : control your temper(size of a person based on angry), listen first, look for areas of agreement, be honest, study carefully the ideas, thank your opponent, and give time to think trough the problem.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
hOW TO AVOID MAKING ENEMIES
the only thing I know is that I know nothing socrates
Admit when you are wrong, do it quickly and emphatically
Show respect for the other person opinions. Never say you are wrong
A drop of honey ch 13
If you would win a man to your cause, first convice him that you are his sincere friend
Always begin in a friendly way
The secret of socrates 14
He who treads softly goes far.
The technique of socrates was based upon getting a yes, yes response. Ask questions which the other person will agree with. Keep on winning one admission after another until you had an arful of yeses. And then, the other person will be found embracing the conclusion that they would have denied a few minutes previosly.
Resume: try get the other person saying yes yes immediately.
The safety valve in handling compliments 15
Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their problem and business than you do. Ask them questiong and let them tell you things. Listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
How to get cooperation 16
Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers works everywhere, in business, politics, family life and so on.
The intelligent person wish to be above men, he does that by putting himself below them, wishing to be before them and he put himself behind them. This way , his place be above men, they do not feel his weight, though his place be before them, they do not it an injury.
A formula that will work wonders for you 17
Remember that other people may be tottaly wrong. But they dont think so. Dont condemn them, any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise and exceptional people even try to do that. There is always a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Try honestly to put yourself in his place. And see thing sfrom his point of view
You can however open their eyes with a smooth and sweet tone, carefully aproaching them, and trying to do no harm. Ask yourself why should they want to do it ?
It will take tme, but it will avoid making enemies and will get you better results.
What everbody wants 18
Magic phrase: I dont blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I wwould undoutedly feel just as you do.
Feel sorry for them, pity them, sympathize with them. Only god can judge them.
Apologize and sympathise with their point of view. And you will win their side.
An appeal that everbody likes 19-20
Dramatize your ideas, use showmanship, make it look more vivid, more interesting, more impressive, more dramatic. Nowdays is the day of dramatization
When nothing else works try this 21
Stimulate competition.Not in a fighting way, but in the desire to excel, to be better
All men have fears, bu the brave put down their fears and go forward. Sometime sto death, but always to victory. What greater challenge can be offered than the opportunity to overcome those fears?
Throw down a challenge, because this Is what every successful person loves : the game. The chance for self expression, the chance to prove their worth, to excel, to win. The desire for a feeling of importance
How to be a leader big one part 4
If you must find fault this is the way to begin. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Like a dentist who begins his work with a pain killer, the patient still gets the drilling, but without feeling it so strong.
You can also call attention to people mistakes indirectly.
You can also talk about your own mistakes first before criticizing the other person
Make the fault seem easy to correct by using encouragement
Use the power of asking instead of giving direct orders